Wedding Etiquette Wednesday - Gift's For the Couple

'gift /noun/

     : something voluntarily transferred by one person to another without compensation.

 

Key word being voluntary which means no one is entitled to a gift. That being said, gift giving for weddings is customarily expected. It is important to understand where the tradition of giving gifts actually came from. In ancient cultures, couples were provided gifts to begin their new home and to prepare to start a family. While traditionally the gifts were symbols of fidelity, fertility and prosperity, today they remain a physical representation of love and support and the giver's happiness for the new couple. Understanding etiquette in regards to wedding gifts will undoubtedly heighten your appreciation of the gift and giver.

• Is a wedding gift expected? Following tradition, whether you attend the wedding or not, everyone who receives a wedding invitation should send a gift.
• How much should guests spend on gifts? True or false: Guests should spend the same amount on their gift that the hosts spend per head at the reception. FALSE. This expectation is thoughtless and impractical. Guests should base their gifts on their financial capabilities and their affection for the couple.
• When and how are gifts sent? Gifts can be given starting from as soon as the invitation arrives to the wedding day itself. They can be given to the couple or sent directly from the store to the couple's house. Gifts should not be sent to the couple after the wedding unless there are extenuating circumstances such as illness.
• What is done with gifts if the wedding is cancelled? All gifts received should be returned to the giver including monetary ones. Exceptions can include items already used or monogrammed items.
• When can gifts be exchanged or returned? Duplicate gifts should be discreetly exchanged. If you receive something neither liked or needed, you may exchange it but be mindful of hurting feelings of close friends or family. Also, if a gift is returned or exchanged, it is not necessary to explain this to the giver. They should still receive a thank you card with enthusiasm.

 

Now that you understand the etiquette related to wedding gifts, not only will you be ready for that childhood thrill when you start receiving wedding gifts, but you will experience more fun and appreciation at the same time!

 

 

 

References: Peggy Post. Wedding Etiquette: The Definitive Guide to Your Wedding Experience (New York: HarperCollins Publishers Inc., 2006), 258-259.

Photo from Http://www.lillyanlou.blogspot.com

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Wedding Etiquette Wednesday - Wedding Attire: Bridesmaids

You want me to wear THAT?!

 

Remember that scene at the end of the movie 27 Dresses when Jane, played by Katherine Heigel finally gets married and she has 27 attendants wearing all the dresses she had to wear as a bridesmaid? What if every new bride made their attendants wear these crazy outfits?

 

It is not unrealistic for a bride to want everything to be perfect on her wedding day, however, some may go a little overboard with their demands that can be a little bit out of the norm. It is important for every bride to remember some of these important things when deciding on bridesmaids’ attire…

 

Cost – Traditionally, attendants pay for their own dresses and accessories

• Brides should take careful consideration when choosing bridesmaid attire. If a bridesmaid expresses that her budget is limited, the bride has a couple options. 1) Choose less expensive dresses 2) Purchase dresses for attendants as their gift. Just note that this will take a portion of the budget
• If a bridesmaid is on a strict budget and cannot afford to purchase wedding attire, she should be honest with the bride and explain that even though she is honored to be chosen as a bridesmaid, it is just not possible financially
• In the past, dresses would only be worn once. Now, brides are starting to choose dresses that can be worn for other occasions.

 

What is appropriate? – No matter what style of dress is chosen, it should complement the bride’s dress.

• Formality – At a formal wedding, generally the attendants dresses are floor length along with the bride’s but for less formal, they can be shorter
• Fabric – the fabric need not be the same. If the bride’s dress is satin, the attendants should be in a similar fabric, not linen or organdy.
• Color – today, virtually all colors are appropriate for weddings including black and some shades of white (guests should never wear white)

 

Shape – Diversity. It’s what makes the world go round. We are all shapes and sizes. The same style dress might not look as flattering on one bridesmaid as the next. Modern brides can consider choosing different dresses with guidelines for fabric, length, color and formality.

 

So bridesmaids - why did Jane wear all those dresses? I don’t think it was because she was waiting for the day to make everyone else wear them. She knew it was the bride’s day and wanted to make her happy. And for the bride - when you are considering your bridesmaid dress choices, just think if you had to wear it. Would you?

 

 

 

Peggy Post. Wedding Etiquette: The Definitive Guide to Your Wedding Experience (New York: HarperCollins Publishers Inc., 2006), 258-259.

Wedding Etiquette Wednesday - Guest Etiquette

Welcome to our first blog post. Each Wednesday, there will be a post on a different aspect of a wedding in regards to etiquette. Inspired by Peggy Post, author of Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette: The Definitive Guide to Your Wedding Experience, these posts will be mainly of opinion between different wedding sources and should be taken as such. Many probably do not even realize that there are books on wedding etiquette. Well, here you have it...

 

This week’s post is all about etiquette for guests who are invited to be a part of a wedding celebration. You are probably saying…"wait, I am a guest! I don’t have any responsibilities except to have fun…” I hate to break it to you, but that is not entirely accurate. While a host is obligated to make a guest feel welcome and appreciated, guests have an obligation to display thoughtful behavior and manners to their host(s). Here are some things to think about when you are invited to your next wedding.

• RSVP Immediately – the acronym RSVP comes from the French expression “répondez s’il vous plaît” meaning “please respond.” This is your most important role as a guest because it directly affects the budget of the celebration. The sooner the hosts have the total guest count, the sooner they can commence planning the festivities.

• Do Not Ask to Bring a Guest – If the host was able to accommodate an additional guest, they would have invited one. It is impolite for you to ask if you can bring a date. If the celebration is regarded as an adult only event, you should also not ask or expect to be able to invite children.

• Be on Your Best Behavior – Guests are responsible for acting with decency and civility. Such behavior is exhibited as follows:
  • Do Not talk during the ceremony and place cell phones on silent
  • Do Not move tables or switch place cards
  • Be mindful of paid vendor’s with camera and / or video equipment when using personal or cell phone cameras
  • Unless encouraged to do so, do not take any décor, food, flowers or centerpieces – this costs the host money! 

• Give a gift – Invited guests should send a gift regardless if they are attending or not. An exception can be made if the guest has only received an announcement or if they haven’t seen or spoken to the host in several years.

 

Weddings take a lot of time and money and it’s only expected that there should be some care and attention from all parties involved. Whether it’s hosts, attendants, family members or guests alike.